I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
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Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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