Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
