I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
