i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
