so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
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Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
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Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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