i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
