I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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