I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
