Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wanna passion pit in your ass
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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