Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
