i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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