so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
