What a fucking waste of an outfit
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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