The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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