I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
