My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
