I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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