I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
