he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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