We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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