I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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