Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
