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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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