Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
