she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Randomize
