I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
