Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
