I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
