I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
