You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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