He had one of those small greek statue penises
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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