It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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