matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
