just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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