you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
