These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
