my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
