I am in a vortex of obligation.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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