this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
