remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
