apparently the secret to your success is patron
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
