I wannas sexs uuuuu
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We got so high we made milksteak
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
