Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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