there's paper in my vomit.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
