Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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