I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
