Christians are straight up FREAKS
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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