He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
