i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
