And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize