i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I looked at my own cervix.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
