laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
