I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sorry about my life...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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