Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am naked and annoyed.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
