I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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