i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
