I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
