Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
