I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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