Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
