Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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