I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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