I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
