I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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