She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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