I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
